Distance
: '' "Sometimes it's necessary to go a long distance out of the way to come back a short distance correctly."'' : ―Edward Albee '''Distance '''is the tenth episode of the third season of Wilfred (U.S. TV Series). Synopsis Ryan, Wilfred, and Bruce struggle to outwit each other. Plot Ryan and Kristen are making a toast to surviving the holidays with their parents. Kristen mentions that Christmas was a good idea now that Ryan and his father, Henry, are getting along now. Ryan brings up the topic of the drawing with Wilfred in the background stating that their mom said it was Kristen's but Ryan swears he drew it. Kristen confirms that it's hers before Ryan has to get up to deal with Wilfred who is currently scratching "Ryan is a little bitch" on his door. When Ryan returns to the kitchen, he asks Kristen who the character in the background is and she introduces him as "Mr. Floppy Ears" a character that she made up in her drawings. When Ryan says he reminds him of Wilfred, Kristen suddenly gets angry saying that no one should talk about their neighbors dogs as much as Ryan does. When Ryan tells Wilfred about his conversation with Kristen, Wilfred suggests that they give the drawing a break for a while. Ryan is folding clothes on his bed when he suddenly gets the idea to ask Bruce about everything that's happening. Wilfred disagrees and insists that Bruce cannot be trusted telling Ryan that Bruce is a snake. In order to get Bruce's information Ryan tricks Wilfred into leaving the room several times and retrieves Bruce's address from Wilfred's phone. At Bruce's house, Ryan brings up the topic of Wilfred to which Bruce asks if he came here for something "crayon related". Bruce asks Ryan if he is really ready to know the information of how long Wilfred has been in his life and demands Wilfred's testicles as compensation. Ryan is back in his house reading about wormholes and time travel, something that Bruce had mentioned during their conversation. Wilfred enters and Ryan confesses that he went to see Bruce for information. When Ryan informs Wilfred that Bruce wants his balls in return, Wilfred comes up with the scheme for using meatballs that resemble dog testicles instead. Before he can finish explaining his plan, Ryan accuses him of plotting the entire thing and tricks Wilfred into going to the animal hospital to have his balls removed. The doctor leaves the room and Ryan takes a bandage and puts it over Wilfred's private while he's sedated making Wilfred believe that he was neutered when he wakes up. Believing that he no longer has his testicles, Wilfred admits to telling Bruce to lie to Ryan to make him believe he knows about his past. He begins to have an emotional breakdown questioning whether he will change now that he no longer has his goods. Ryan and Wilfred are walking together on the street when Ryan spots a stuffed animal store guessing that it must be hard for Wilfred to see them considering his new condition. Wilfred walks away uninterested and begins looking at purses. They return home and Wilfred is acting particularly flamboyant running to the back room to try on some of the things he has bought. Ryan follows Wilfred into the room where he is knocked out by one of Wilfred's purses. Ryan awakens to find that Wilfred has tied him to his bed and is prepared to do to Ryan what was done to himself. Ryan screams desperately admitting that he didn't actually neuter Wilfred but Wilfred reveals that he knew the entire time. They begin punching each other's dicks before concluding that Bruce played them into fighting with each other. Ryan returns to Bruce's house and mentions that Wilfred and him had a fight recently, handing over the fake dog balls. Ryan then proceeds to lie that Wilfred died during the operation which really gets to Bruce who believes he no longer has a purpose in life. He pulls out a gun and shoots himself but soon opens his eyes revealing that he and Wilfred were just playing another mind game on Ryan. Bruce and Wilfred begin to eat the meatballs but once they notice the strange taste, Ryan informs them that those are actually real dog testicles that he stole from the vet. Wilfred returns with Ryan back to his place and Ryan is studying his old drawing. He scratches off some of the crayon wax from the barn to find a strange symbol underneath. He tries to search the internet to find out what it means but is unsuccessful. In the credits scene Wilfred is asking if Ryan would rape a person under the condition that he would never get caught to which Ryan responds, "I would never do that." Cast Starring * Elijah Wood as Ryan Newman * Jason Gann as Wilfred * Dorian Brown as Kristen Newman Special Guest Star * Dwight Yoakam as Bruce Guest Starring * Rodney To as Dr. Bangachon Uncredited * Silvana Lovin as Dog Walker Category:US Episodes